“You smoke?”
Abyss Monarch sighs, slinking down into a chair. Dark bubbles slip out of a long thin pipe, sharp and slick as a new fountain pen. They load up more of a viscous black liquid into the chrome bowl and suck in, cheeks going red before more bubbles curdle out.
“No.”
Electric Eel bristles. Brown and purple scales stand up on end, shivering with the sudden cold drenching the room.
“Oh, that stuff. Gross.”
“It’s calming. I’d say you should try it, but this is the last batch being imported for a while.”
“Maybe, but it still…smells. It’s also just weird, I honestly don’t know how that kind of stuff works.”
Abyss Monarch shrugs, sucking in again. Two siphons on their waist billow out gray ink, smothered with faint runes that all point upwards. Normally, they’d be drawn clockwise, but like this, it’s counterclockwise. No hands were needed for the inscribing, for the minute currents were the hands now.
“It shouldn’t smell that bad. This jar was laced with caviar syrup. You know, the kind the waypoint traders bring in?”
“It really does not come off like that. Your place stinks of rottin’ weed now, not a rich pile of salted eggs.”
“…Seaweed?”
Electric Eel snickers into their hand.
“No, regular weed, silly.”
Abyss Monarch raises an eyebrow and huffs, eyes glowing faintly.
“You know what that smells like?”
“Do I look like I don’t?”
They would chuckle, but they’ve got a job to do. So instead they blow into their pipe again, clamping their calcite teeth down hard. Stress dribbles out of sigil-infused carbonation, pulsating from that black-metaled body, thin like an urchin spine. Each packet of bubbles spritzes pinpoints of ink into the surrounding, leaving mini-vortexes in their wake. The water gurgles and dives into itself at weak points of magic created along ley lines, driven by the weak electromagnetic forces emanating from rocks on the seafloor.
This is going to stain the walls of their bedroom, but they don’t see this place under full light anyway.
“…Damn, you’re goin’ at that thing hard.”
“Yeah.”
“What’s up? You performing a ritual or…?”
“No,” Abyss Monarch sharply replies. “It’s the most mundane of reasons anyone partakes of vices like this.”
The pipe unfurls two small bowls at its head, all three arranged like a trident. Normally, devices like this were supposed to be engraved in silver to ward off the supposed bad luck of inhaling these vapors, but they couldn’t be bothered with that. They never could. If they inhale tarnish, so be it, because maybe the tar could taint their teeth and tittering thoughts. Totality through titrated titanium tissue, threaded though the toll takes.
“Mnemonia lusasias…”
The bubbles freeze. They suck in iron air with their tongue and roll their eyes back as black smoke rises from their barely-green sclera. Throwing their head backwards too, their nails click a mechanism in the pipe, unearthing another candelabra of smoking bowls.
Each one shimmers like a dark star. A black pearl sits at the base of these new thaumaturgic appendages.
“Tashi luxiem, hanabara tonsilui…”
Electric Eel freezes, backing up.
The leaking ink crackles in their hair, forming thick foam at the edges. Vortexes take vertexes of black and smother them in miniturate half-circles as Abyss Monarch’s eyes glow and they continue to chant.
“Dolomonius, psarit—volodonna, volodonna, asgonixmara—”
More sewage from their eyes. The smoke begins frothing white as they quickly take another drag and all eight of their limbs clench in sour reaction.
“Dasi, dasi, kikuyuiscumm, kasi—! Ortix, vatius, bayoleus, titamarius—!”
And exhale, and the invocation breaks. The entire room bends in the imploding cavity of cabbalistic sortilege, an invisible wave emanating and returning as soon as its existence is realized. Rending wisps of hot, gnarled alabaster pours from every orifice of Abyss Monarch’s face, snapping their entire neck one hundred and eighty degrees clockwise, coalescing into soft, rolling rows of teeth afterwards. The pipe soon shafts back into its beasti*al form, its single bowl shining like a spotlight as the energy in the room fades.
As they take the final inhale, they shove its lips to the back of their throat. The smoke tinges blue, and Electric Eel shudders. Trying to keep up with every facet of the display is not just nauseating, it’s also concerning in a manner they hate being concerned in. To them, this all moves like electricity, but broken across bowed circuits and faulty wiring. That meant that every part of the process should have had supervision, precariously perched eyes like hawkfish micromanaging where even the plankton swam.
This is supposed to be relaxing?
“…Are you done?”
Their words linger in the now still water.
Abyss Monarch coughs up blood, aquamarine pouring from their nose. The bowls splice once more and this time they twirl it around dizzyingly and press it to their nostrils.
“…Now I am,” they say, swallowing. It tastes disgusting, but it goes down like bitter medicine. Their chest loosens, as does their vision and their remnants of a headache, melting down their legs like fresh wax.
“…Jeez, that’s an elaborate way to take a hit.”
“Maybe. You should see the proper way, when you’re actually performing purification.”
“Was that what the white smoke was for?”
They nod, and Electric Eel slips into the chair with them. Abyss Monarch’s vision doubles as their brain fogs now, emotional cognition flatlining in the gentlest way.
“It was…to rid myself of anxiety, and thoughts. The smoke is normally black, those disconcerting ruffians—but, you know.”
“The darkness consumes~! Or whatever you say, haha.”
They nod, and smile. Electric Eel pulls them close and Abyss Monarch lazily pulls their head up.
“I’m tired. I want to go to bed now.”
“I know. What were you anxious about?”
“The usual. My head never stops, you know? There’s always some whispering voice back there…”
“Yeah, well, was it anything particular this time?”
They sigh and flop back onto the opposite arm. This chair was old, worn, and not fully stuffed, the leather peeling quickly from the salty water.
“Dumb stuff. Regretful stuff.”
“Ah. Anything in particular?”
Abyss Monarch squints at nothing in particular, their body slowly going limp as their legs begin to lose their minds to the pins and needles that crept in whenever this happened.
“…The usual. Regret, missing what can’t be returned…”
“…And?”
They take a deep breath, struggling.
“…Remembering someone’s dumb, stupid face when I was still high reagent. They were the worst.”
“Yeah, that’ll usually do it. If their face is so dumb, why does it matter?”
“Because they were a stupidhead,” they mumble, too conked out to lament themselves for such childish vocabulary. “They made my life so much worse and abandoned me when I…when my powers came out.”
“Eesh. There really doesn’t seem to be a good Cookie among those Sugarteara types, is there?”
Abyss Monarch shakes their head. “Not…Not a single damn one…”
Their legs twitch and limp as they roll their head back and strain to focus on the ceiling. Holding onto what made their chest tight while their body was rapidly approaching magic-induced unconsciousness really wasn't a good idea, but the anger bubbles in their chest despite all this inky dampening.
Hell, they didn’t even know that anger was here until everything else quieted down.
“He was a stupidhead. f*ckface. Idiot, buffoon. I hoped the whirlpool had torn him apart, but he’s around.”
“That pest!”
“Yeah, that dolphin-co*cked pest! Thinking he’s worth a damn…thinking anyone wanted to listen to his…his f*cking recollections, his explanations for stuff I…already did…and his lame, empty words…”
They cough, the numbing of their body mixing in with this feeling like a babbling thermometer. Mercury rising, but the rest of the sigils are off. Everything pointed to their innocence, but that idiot believed whatever slop he was fed. It was almost comical how easy he was to manipulate by his superiors, had he not once held their heart in the palm of his hand, and in his lips out in a marble courtyard.
Wheezing, they make a fist and grit their teeth.
“I hope he dies soon. I hope he drinks himself to death here.”
“Wait, he’s here? In Wandercrab?”
“He’s a vile, spineless wimp. Always talking about wanting to make things better, but never backing his ass-mouth up. All that came out was sh*t.”
Electric Eel goes quiet, and Abyss Monarch relaxes again. The thumping of their heart throbs louder, louder against the dripping medicine. Shame would have washed over them by now had they not had that inhibition sauntered off completely with dust and smoke.
“…Sorry,” they reply.
“It’s alright, haha. You’re probably right, honestly.”
“I just hate him. I hated how two-faced he was. He could make you believe that idiocy was a true, evil sin. If you saw him.”
“Really?”
“Really. So full of himself…that I wonder sometimes what I even saw in him. He was so vapid and yet talked so much…talk that I thought he understood the world. He didn’t! All he cared about was…was f*cking money…!!!”
They suck on what’s left in their pipe and slam it to the ground with two small tears in their eyes. Neither of their hands have any feeling in them.
“…f*ck that whale carcass, honestly. f*ck him and all the sh*t he made others eat. Guy coulda farted out a whale carcass and those…dumb followers of his would have eaten. It. Up.”
“Hahahahaha, holy crap,” Electric Eel says, trying to get themselves together. Looking into Abyss Monarch’s eyes, it’s hard for them to believe they could have looked any more tired than they were before, or even any skinnier, honestly. Did someone deflate them when they weren’t looking.
“Colorful gab. Who taught ya how to throw insults like that?”
“Not his f*cking poetry, that’s for sure.”
Another laugh. Electric Eel knows they shouldn’t, but they can’t help it.
Finally, out of steam, Abyss Monarch collapses fully to the floor, bypassing the chair completely. Landing in a splayed pose, they look utterly defenseless and pathetic. Drool pools from their mouth as they twitch and spasm, almost like a dead fish.
“Holy sh*t, you hit that thing so hardcore.”
“Blugh, I know,” they reply. “You don’t have to rub it in.”
“I’m not rubbing anything in, haha. It’s just funny. Didn’t think a skinny twink like yourself would be able to commit to something as metal as that…”
Electric Eel looks over to the pipe and co*cks their head. If they knew how much active ingredient they used and it’s potency, they could probably make a guess as to how they would handle it.
They were almost twice as heavy as Abyss Monarch, so the answer was most undeniably “a whole lot better.”
They gurgle as their drool stains the hard marble floor.
“…Can you help me to bed,” they mumble, blinking slowly.
“…Are you gonna be okay?”
Nodding weakly, they close their eyes.
“…Yeah, I will. It’s just magic, no actual real substance involved. I’ll be…fine in the morning.”
“No hangover?” Electric Eel asks as they pick them up. They may be heavier than them, but Abyss Monarch had the ungodly height.
“…Yeah,” they reply. “Won’t get rid of that guy’s stupid face, though.”
“Hey, maybe replace it with mine!”
Their laughter clear their head for a single moment, a literal ray of sunshine from above shining down. f*ck, did they leave their bathroom light on?
“…Not the easiest request. He’s a bastard.”
“I know. And I’m a cutie pie. That’ll balance it out.”
“I wish it would.”
“Why honor his stupidity any more than you have to?”
“I don’t choose what images come into my head and stay there.”
“Nobody does, but isn’t filling in that grave he left in with sand better than water that’ll keep on draining away?”
Abyss Monarch sighs. They lean their head back in those scarred arms, lightning patterns crawling up every inch of skin they they can see from here. How Electric Eel could be so soft and yet so capable of strength…that was an ideal they wanted to strive towards…
“…Maybe. But it’ll be piss if I don’t get to bed soon.”
“Wha—do you need to use the bathroom…?!”
“No, my siphons can handle it,” they murmur. “It’s gonna be a mess here tomorrow.”
“Do you want to borrow one of my extra filters? I have like…four.”
“…Would you really…Would you really do that for me…?”
Abyss Monarch beams at them as hard as they can, black settling in on their eyes faster than the sea can reach for the moon and fail. Electric Eel smiles, kissing their head and setting them down on their bed, rubbing their head afterwards.
“Absolutely. I know what it’s like to be wasted and your anatomy just makes it reek the next day. You should see the Sea Snake Cookies, honestly, the twins and that freaky older sister of theirs.”
“She’s cute.”
“Cute but evil. At darts, anyway. I’m not the biggest fan of super artsy types, honestly.”
“That bitch can’t hold a pencil, what the hell kind of art is she making…?”
Electric Eel shrugs.
“Who knows. Wanna ask her tomorrow? She’s buying everyone drinks and stuff down at the Whale Fall Plaza.”
“It’s an open bar night…?”
“You know it. Free sparkling water the whole time.”
Abyss Monarch sighs, deflating further than they already were. Their siphons writhe as the last of their consciousness blurbs and slips.
“…Kay. See you there tomorrow.”
“Nice. Goodnight babe.”
“Goodnight lightbulb. Make me breakfast tomorrow…?”
Electric Eel smiles again as they open the door.
“Sure. Anything for you. Get some sleep now, and remember that asshole’s old news, yeah?”
“…I’ll try.”
“Knew you would.” They blink at them with a spark and a few small fireworks from their hands and hair. “See ya tomorrow.”
